At the end of karaoke last night, I waited nearly 7 minutes while standing by the cash register waiting for my bill so that I could pay and leave. I stood and watched staff buzz by me, and, after a few minutes, was joined by a friend who also stood with me waiting and observing this bizarre avoidance.
When we finally were able to get someone to slow down long enough to ask to pay our bills, I was asked by the bar supervisor, who was clearly run off her feet, if I could just wait about 4 more minutes until after the bar officially stopped serving drinks because they had to make sure they got all the last call orders in and closed the bar on time. In other words, they were trying to get in as many orders as they possibly could with the time they had remaining. Despite having been a frequent, if not weekly customer for the last 3+ years, I was asked to be understanding while being made to wait to make sure others were served first. To pay my bill..
This is not the first time recently that I have been asked to “be understanding” when I am receiving poor service because a bar needs to make every cent they possibly can. KC and I are in a competition along with 24 other singers, 4 judges and a karaoke host and technician. We have been committed to this process for 9 weeks now, and have faithfully showed up week after week, spending our money on beverages and sometimes food as well, but doing our best to support the business while waiting to sing our one song in the hopes of winning a prize on the 11th week.
We all committed, but the owner of the bar has chosen to not honour the regular Wednesday night commitment agreed to in the rules and regulations for the contest because of the extra money to be made during the basketball playoffs. Thus, inconveniencing each and every participant, judge and karaoke staff person to have to rearrange their schedules in order to honour the commitment to the competition (and also inconveniencing regular karaoke customers in the process as well).
But we have all been told that we “have to understand” that this is their opportunity to capitalize on the fair-weather customers that flock to the bars at such times.
And while we grumble about this inconvenience, we all accommodate because they have our time and our money and we don’t want to make waves or lose the opportunity that we initially committed to pursuing. There was a gracious apology from the karaoke company acknowledging our inconvenience and thanking us for our flexibility; however, no such apology or acknowledgement was forthcoming from the bar owner who was the one individual benefiting from this.
What seems to be lacking in the bar owners in all of this is the ability to see the bigger picture. When you treat the customers who regularly support your business with this kind of “you have to understand” approach, you will soon learn that what you are building instead is resentment and a lack of loyalty, which leads to an overall reduction in your business (hence the desperate need for these “one of’s” to make more money, btw).
People will often ask me why, despite being an avid karaoke singer, I rarely go to certain places anymore. It is always wonderful to know that I am missed by the amazing people I meet doing what I love to do, and that is what makes me conflicted about all of this. Losing those connections. But If the places we go to do not show the same loyalty and consideration that we show them, it forces me to find different places to go to because I have no tolerance for this type of bad behaviour. Those who know me well also know that I have difficulty not saying something when there is consistently poor treatment going on. And I am not likely to stay in these situations for the sake of keeping the peace in the room, because I cannot be at peace in my heart.
As is true with any type of relationship, people will treat us in the way we allow them to treat us, and if we continue to be loyal to businesses or services that take us for granted, we only reinforce their behaviour and the idea that it is ok to tell us that we must be understanding when we are being taken for granted.
When I was a kid, my mother would save the good china and silverware only for when we had guests. Day to day, we got the scraped up, worn out, everyday dishes, because it was “just” us. I call this the Good China Syndrome. We see this type of behaviour and attitude so often, where people will run themselves ragged and bend over backwards for strangers and those they see infrequently, their “special guests,” and yet expect those closest to them to go without, to take second best, de-valuing those who are loyal to them each and every time they behave this way. They rely too much on the idea that those closest to them have no choice but to be there and to understand that this is the way it is, while rolling out the red carpet to put on a show for those who they barely have a connection to. People often treat themselves this way, too – deny themselves good treatment while lavishing it on others.
Loyalty is misguided when given to those who would behave this way. It is difficult to disentangle ourselves from such close relationships, but not impossible to do with conscious effort (and often therapy). But, when it comes to the businesses and services we support, we have greater conscious choice over how we wish to be treated and who we choose to be loyal to.
And to the bar owners who never seem to apologize for how they inconvenience, disappoint or waste the time of the customers who frequently, if not regularly, support their business, and then say “you’ve got to understand” or tell us a sob story about how hard it is for you without having any empathy or inkling of how your behavior is affecting your customers: please stop insulting us this way! Your frequent customers are understanding, and often forgiving because they have a relationship to your business that they have invested in, but when you shove the idea down our throat that we must put you first when you are putting us last, it is simply adding insult to injury. Be respectful, seek forgiveness and let your customers decide how they want to respond to the situation.
nancydranitsaris 